The Non-Offensive Insults Thread.

This is totally not a bad idea at all.

wat

How is this even possible, you rapscallian?

Well let me demonstrate, you large-eared, wide-eyed, green cyborg.

YOU HAVE A BAD BUT NICE HAT

IM NOT SURE IF IM DOING THIS RIGHT

IM SCARED

@Zebra
What if he's sensitive about his ears, eyes, color, or cyberneticness? You'll surely offend him then.

Oh, be quite, you quite person.

Okay...I can do this...

ZEBRA YOUR MONOCLE IS VERY NICE.

...Darn it!

Try some of the back-handed compliments that bitchy high school girls are good at.

Hey, Dew. I really like the way you sit.

It makes you seem very sensitive, and feminine.

(Just imagine that whole thing in a high pitched, bitchy voice.)

I'm very comfortable with my sexuality, yes. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some cats to pet and some bones to break.

Gods, your insults are so non-offensive!

Your hair smells like cabbage.

Basically any insult in the Ninja Turtles cartoon. I'm not sure why being a "shell-back" is a bad thing.

Well, it would probably be bad if you weren't a turtle.


I mean, for a human, that would be some horrible deformity.

I wouldn't see it as a horrible deformity.

It's nature gifting the person protection. Evolution. +10 natural armour class.
That shell-child would be the next of a great race of beings.

Imagine, in ten trillion years, we could all have shells and swords for hands.
And one day I will fall in love with a small shell-child and then she will be eaten by the Morlocks and I will run to my time machine and go back to the past and weep for the future that will be; a future of shell children with swords for hands and Morlocks.

The world shall never again see your like...truly, this world is blessed. []

"well, uranus spins on its side!"
"well, so does your face!"

SEMICOLON wrote:I wouldn't see it as a horrible deformity.

It's nature gifting the person protection. Evolution. +10 natural armour class.
That shell-child would be the next of a great race of beings.

Imagine, in ten trillion years, we could all have shells and swords for hands.
And one day I will fall in love with a small shell-child and then she will be eaten by the Morlocks and I will run to my time machine and go back to the past and weep for the future that will be; a future of shell children with swords for hands and Morlocks.

Why would you fall in love with a shell-child?

Oh dear, where have I sent this discussion.

Top Hat Zebra wrote:Why would you fall in love with a shell-child?

Not all forms of love are physical.

You phiysically loved a small child turtle.


And left it dissatisfied.

(Back on track.)

SEMICOLON wrote:I wouldn't see it as a horrible deformity.

It's nature gifting the person protection. Evolution. +10 natural armour class.
That shell-child would be the next of a great race of beings.

Imagine, in ten trillion years, we could all have shells and swords for hands.
And one day I will fall in love with a small shell-child and then she will be eaten by the Morlocks and I will run to my time machine and go back to the past and weep for the future that will be; a future of shell children with swords for hands and Morlocks.

God, I love this forum.

SEMICOLON wrote:I wouldn't see it as a horrible deformity.

It's nature gifting the person protection. Evolution. +10 natural armour class.
That shell-child would be the next of a great race of beings.

Imagine, in ten trillion years, we could all have shells and swords for hands.
And one day I will fall in love with a small shell-child and then she will be eaten by the Morlocks and I will run to my time machine and go back to the past and weep for the future that will be; a future of shell children with swords for hands and Morlocks.

Now don't be silly, even if Shell-backed humans evolved, that would first assume the first shellback survived long enough to spread the gift of shell backs. There are more variables here then we can see. Is the shellback slow? able to fend for itself? Is it intelligent? Can it shoot laser beams from its head?

Details!