Favourite Quotes

"I'VE NEVER SAID ANY OF THOSE THINGS!" -She, in response to people falsley attributing her to quotes.

"I would never approach a women with small breasts." -Bill Clinton.

"Your laminated face is holding up really well, you should try that in real life."
"Laminate my face?"
"...Yeah."

- Adam and Jamie from Mythbusters

"I've been trapped here for three years, nine months and seventeen days, but who's counting?"

Homer: MARGE! I'm going to a hardcore gay club and I won't be back 'til 3 in the morning!

Marge: Have fun!

-My favorite quote in Simpsons

"In Iran, we don't have homosexuals, like in your country."

— MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD, president of Iran.

Just wow.

"Beulah, peel me a grape."

Mae West

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

"If you a grown mothafucka, and you a grown mothafucka who gets killed by a tiger, and if you a grown mothafucka who gets killed by a tiger in a zoo, and if you a grown mothafucka who gets killed by a tiger in a zoo in San Francisco, I think God's will has been done."

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.

- Jack Handey

I know how you feel. I had a friend named John. Our cats seemed to love him when he came over and we would always play a game where I would try to catch him. He was fast though, one second he'd be on the ground, the next he'd dissappeared and was up on the ceiling. He also had red skin for whatever reason, and was a really little guy. Kind of like a tiny red dot.

You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose but you cant pick your friend's nose

Billy

"Follow your dreams. Except the one where you're in your underwear in public during a fire drill."

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car"

"Dark people are dark!" - One of my friends, while we were walking on the beach at night. What those people must have thought of us.

"When will I start to come blood!?"

What my mother is watching right now.
I don't have the bravery to find out what it is.
Just sit here, type, weep and hope the images in my head will go away.

"And now the punk who had no respect for other people's property will become someone else's property...in jail!"

- Announcer in World's Scariest Police Chases (PlayStation game)

(My dog Loki keeps trying to hump the poodle dog)
My sis: "Loki, just stop it! She's not into you!"
Me: "Aw leave 'em alone, he's trying to get his bone on."
My dad: "..."
Me: "Oh hi Dad!... Just gonna... walk away now..."

Well Loki basically is the Norse god of Shenanigans, so things like that are to be expected.

Does this mean the silly thread worships Ziggy's humping dog?

"I am NOT arm wrestling John Travolta" - one of my uni housemates to another one who had a big rubber face fask of John Travolta.

"I am not a crook!....PSST! Quick! Shoot him in the back when he's not looking!