TTBM (Because it's all over and now I've got nothing left to do): For the past 10 months, as some of you have been aware, I have been working for a conference called the Asia-Pacific Model United Nations Conference (AMUNC). This conference has been held in July every year for the past 17 years, and I’ve been going along since 2006. This time, I was asked to join the Secretariat in order to help run said conference. I won’t go into the details of my portfolio, aside from the fact that it involved three elements:
1. Ensure the seventeen committees of the conference operated smoothly
2. Run the first-ever Intelligence ‘Spy’ Committee to be held at an AMUNC conference
3. Generate emergency scenarios for the various committees
‘The Conference’ has now concluded, and I can take you through the occurrence and events along the way. There will be laughter, there will be anger, but most of all, there will be hilarity.
Oh, and alcohol.
T – Day Four
This mostly involved flying down from Brisbane to Canberra. This was made better by the fact that one of the gentlemen I was working with was on the same flight. We were met at the airport (first time I’ve been met at the airport for 18 months), and were taken to where a bunch of us were staying, a rather flash apartment right near the lake, and less than a 15 minute walk to the university where the conference was being held. With there being not much else to be done, we all called it a night, after we discovered that Canberra recently passed a bylaw prohibiting the sale of bottles of spirits after 2300.
T – Day Three
This was a day for organising. There were two main venues for the conference; the Australian National University (ANU) and the High Court of Australia (HCA). Today was all about ANU; setting up the tables, ensuring that all the venues were ready, sorting out 600 satchel bags for the attendees (delegates). We took some time to go to the supermarket though, and stock up with food, moderate quality alcohol, and high-quality spirits. Some of those bottles were belted into the trolley with the love and care one would exhibit towards a child. Then, it was back for dinner and for sleep.
T – Day Two
Same at before, only this time at the High Court of Australia, the highest legal body in the Australian Commonwealth. More heavy lifting and riding in elevators. Fun though; not many people have been into the areas of the HCA that we go to go into, fewer still have been into the corridors and passages beneath the building, and even less have been there who were Kiwis. Epic win. Managed to get along very well with the lady who was liaising between us and the HCA (always pays to have those sort of contacts). Then it was sleep, to prepare for the next massive day.
T – Day One (Director Training)
This was going to be a big one. This was the day where all the people who were going to be directing the various committees were briefed on the week ahead and how best to deal with various situations. This was also an interesting one for me. Remember months back, at the start of the year, when I was going out with a girl who was being constantly pursued by some cowboy SAS wannabee? Well, said cowboy was going to be directing one of the committees.
Yup. Exactly.
So the training went well. Met the chap, and was proven right in every facet. Dude turned up when the dress code had been set as ‘business’ in a white ten-gallon hat, jeans and a big Texas buckle. Now, I’m sorry, but there’s only one place where you can wear a big Texas buckle, and that’s the continental United States. Nowhere else. The guy made his introductions, and then proceeded to rattle off some story about “When I was on the ground in Egypt...” Apparently, he saw a chap with an Oakley backpack claiming to be part of the Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade. “Yeah, sure, he was involved in Foreign Affairs, if you get what I mean...huh huh huh.” Yeah, alright mate, you saw a dude who visited an army surplus store. Cool story. I decided not to mention anything about last year (You guys remember where I was, what I was studying, and who with, so yeah).
Then it was sleep-time, for the next day was going to be the big one.
DAY ONE – DELEGATE REGISTRATION AND TRAINING
This was it, the first official day of the conference. We’d spent ten months putting this thing together; sacrificing sleep, jobs, time and more. And now it was time to see whether it flew or fell.
The first thing we failed to take into account was the amount of new people. Which meant that we had to run an extra two sessions in order to bring them up to speed on what the rules were and how best to work in this sort of environment. Which meant that I ended up rattling on for the better part of four hours non-stop about Rules of Procedure, how to create a Resolution, and how easy it really was once you got a handle on what was going on.
Then, once the delegate wandered off to the Ambassador Speakers Panels (where some of the ambassadors from various countries came to speak to the delegates in an open forum setting), we were packing up all the stuff. When suddenly, a member of the Secretariat screeches up in her car and yells to me “Quick! Get in!” So I dive into the car and we screech off, while the conversation goes a little like this...
“What’s going on?”
“It’s the Czech Ambassador! No one’s running that panel! Can you do it?”
*Puts on sunglasses* “Get me there.”
So we’re burning through the campus streets, when we’re forced to screech to a proper, tyre-squealing halt. Because there, standing in the middle of the road, is a duck. It’s beak open in a defiant quack, that duck refused to move. So I opened my window and politely told it to move. No response. I said, a little more forcefully, “GET THE F*CK OUT OF THE WAY, DUCK!” No response, although it scared the hell out of a group of Chinese delegates heading to the same place. A bus pulled up behind us, preventing us from reversing. So I had to get out of the vehicle, and chase the duck off the road. Which the bus driver found hilarious. Had to take a bow at that point, then get back into the car and burn off to the meeting. Lauren was highly pleased that I showed up, and the ambassador was a great chap. Stuck around for the 20 minutes he was waiting for his car to show up, and ended up chatting about various developments in the East Asia region. He handed over his card, and said that he was going to be in Wellington in December if I was about. Rather cool that.
Then it was back to the apartment for one of the Secretariat’s birthdays. This resulted in food and alcohol...lots and lots of alcohol. Ended up going to bed about midnight with the room spinning at about 20 rpm. Still, enjoyable night, which was going to be worthwhile the next day.
Day Two
Up at the crack of dawn with a slight wobble. Still, into the car and off on our way to the first official day of committees. Only to find that one of the people in my committee had lodged a complaint that he hadn’t received any material, and that he wanted a refund. Not the best way to start the day, and especially not the greatest lead-in to a job interview. The interview was for a position out west in the hills, scanning and filing. It’s work, it’s money, it’s doable. So that interview went for the better part of an hour, but which point I was pretty much wrecked after the last few days.
While this was going on, we learned that one of the chaps who had been drinking with us the night before had become very unwell at the High Court and was chundering everywhere, so had to be sent home. Critical lesson, boys and girls; never try to outdrink military people.
Nodded off in my chair during the afternoon, then dropped my stuff back at the apartment and then went out to dinner with the rest of the Secretariat. Went to a nice Japanese place. I’m a big fan of Japanese food, and this was the first time they hadn’t lobbed a fork in my direction. Who said I had poor fine motor skills. Had this wonderful beef curry thing, which broke a major rule; only eat food from that ethnicity at a restaurant. So I felt rather crook afterwards. Nevertheless, off we all went to the local Irish bar for drinks, and then home again to sleep for the next day.
More when I've written the rest...
1. Ensure the seventeen committees of the conference operated smoothly
2. Run the first-ever Intelligence ‘Spy’ Committee to be held at an AMUNC conference
3. Generate emergency scenarios for the various committees
‘The Conference’ has now concluded, and I can take you through the occurrence and events along the way. There will be laughter, there will be anger, but most of all, there will be hilarity.
Oh, and alcohol.
T – Day Four
This mostly involved flying down from Brisbane to Canberra. This was made better by the fact that one of the gentlemen I was working with was on the same flight. We were met at the airport (first time I’ve been met at the airport for 18 months), and were taken to where a bunch of us were staying, a rather flash apartment right near the lake, and less than a 15 minute walk to the university where the conference was being held. With there being not much else to be done, we all called it a night, after we discovered that Canberra recently passed a bylaw prohibiting the sale of bottles of spirits after 2300.
T – Day Three
This was a day for organising. There were two main venues for the conference; the Australian National University (ANU) and the High Court of Australia (HCA). Today was all about ANU; setting up the tables, ensuring that all the venues were ready, sorting out 600 satchel bags for the attendees (delegates). We took some time to go to the supermarket though, and stock up with food, moderate quality alcohol, and high-quality spirits. Some of those bottles were belted into the trolley with the love and care one would exhibit towards a child. Then, it was back for dinner and for sleep.
T – Day Two
Same at before, only this time at the High Court of Australia, the highest legal body in the Australian Commonwealth. More heavy lifting and riding in elevators. Fun though; not many people have been into the areas of the HCA that we go to go into, fewer still have been into the corridors and passages beneath the building, and even less have been there who were Kiwis. Epic win. Managed to get along very well with the lady who was liaising between us and the HCA (always pays to have those sort of contacts). Then it was sleep, to prepare for the next massive day.
T – Day One (Director Training)
This was going to be a big one. This was the day where all the people who were going to be directing the various committees were briefed on the week ahead and how best to deal with various situations. This was also an interesting one for me. Remember months back, at the start of the year, when I was going out with a girl who was being constantly pursued by some cowboy SAS wannabee? Well, said cowboy was going to be directing one of the committees.
Yup. Exactly.
So the training went well. Met the chap, and was proven right in every facet. Dude turned up when the dress code had been set as ‘business’ in a white ten-gallon hat, jeans and a big Texas buckle. Now, I’m sorry, but there’s only one place where you can wear a big Texas buckle, and that’s the continental United States. Nowhere else. The guy made his introductions, and then proceeded to rattle off some story about “When I was on the ground in Egypt...” Apparently, he saw a chap with an Oakley backpack claiming to be part of the Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade. “Yeah, sure, he was involved in Foreign Affairs, if you get what I mean...huh huh huh.” Yeah, alright mate, you saw a dude who visited an army surplus store. Cool story. I decided not to mention anything about last year (You guys remember where I was, what I was studying, and who with, so yeah).
Then it was sleep-time, for the next day was going to be the big one.
DAY ONE – DELEGATE REGISTRATION AND TRAINING
This was it, the first official day of the conference. We’d spent ten months putting this thing together; sacrificing sleep, jobs, time and more. And now it was time to see whether it flew or fell.
The first thing we failed to take into account was the amount of new people. Which meant that we had to run an extra two sessions in order to bring them up to speed on what the rules were and how best to work in this sort of environment. Which meant that I ended up rattling on for the better part of four hours non-stop about Rules of Procedure, how to create a Resolution, and how easy it really was once you got a handle on what was going on.
Then, once the delegate wandered off to the Ambassador Speakers Panels (where some of the ambassadors from various countries came to speak to the delegates in an open forum setting), we were packing up all the stuff. When suddenly, a member of the Secretariat screeches up in her car and yells to me “Quick! Get in!” So I dive into the car and we screech off, while the conversation goes a little like this...
“What’s going on?”
“It’s the Czech Ambassador! No one’s running that panel! Can you do it?”
*Puts on sunglasses* “Get me there.”
So we’re burning through the campus streets, when we’re forced to screech to a proper, tyre-squealing halt. Because there, standing in the middle of the road, is a duck. It’s beak open in a defiant quack, that duck refused to move. So I opened my window and politely told it to move. No response. I said, a little more forcefully, “GET THE F*CK OUT OF THE WAY, DUCK!” No response, although it scared the hell out of a group of Chinese delegates heading to the same place. A bus pulled up behind us, preventing us from reversing. So I had to get out of the vehicle, and chase the duck off the road. Which the bus driver found hilarious. Had to take a bow at that point, then get back into the car and burn off to the meeting. Lauren was highly pleased that I showed up, and the ambassador was a great chap. Stuck around for the 20 minutes he was waiting for his car to show up, and ended up chatting about various developments in the East Asia region. He handed over his card, and said that he was going to be in Wellington in December if I was about. Rather cool that.
Then it was back to the apartment for one of the Secretariat’s birthdays. This resulted in food and alcohol...lots and lots of alcohol. Ended up going to bed about midnight with the room spinning at about 20 rpm. Still, enjoyable night, which was going to be worthwhile the next day.
Day Two
Up at the crack of dawn with a slight wobble. Still, into the car and off on our way to the first official day of committees. Only to find that one of the people in my committee had lodged a complaint that he hadn’t received any material, and that he wanted a refund. Not the best way to start the day, and especially not the greatest lead-in to a job interview. The interview was for a position out west in the hills, scanning and filing. It’s work, it’s money, it’s doable. So that interview went for the better part of an hour, but which point I was pretty much wrecked after the last few days.
While this was going on, we learned that one of the chaps who had been drinking with us the night before had become very unwell at the High Court and was chundering everywhere, so had to be sent home. Critical lesson, boys and girls; never try to outdrink military people.
Nodded off in my chair during the afternoon, then dropped my stuff back at the apartment and then went out to dinner with the rest of the Secretariat. Went to a nice Japanese place. I’m a big fan of Japanese food, and this was the first time they hadn’t lobbed a fork in my direction. Who said I had poor fine motor skills. Had this wonderful beef curry thing, which broke a major rule; only eat food from that ethnicity at a restaurant. So I felt rather crook afterwards. Nevertheless, off we all went to the local Irish bar for drinks, and then home again to sleep for the next day.
More when I've written the rest...
