Favourite Quotes

We need this, ok?

Ahem.

"I swear to science that I WILL get it done."


(A friend of mine.)

adam savage of the mythbusters:
i reject your reality and substitute my own!

Steve: "I am the queen of bees!" []

"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here, this is the war room!" - President Merkin Muffley (From Dr. Strangelove)

"Hmm, that's the Red Light District.....I wonder what he's doing there".
"Sex, Frank?"
"Uh....not right now Ed, we have work to do".

Kyle: "You don't know anything about Christianity!"

Cartman: "I know enough to exploit it."

Jillian: "Brian, how do I know if I'm Jewish?"
Brian: "Are you Jewish?"
Jillian: "No."
Brian: "There you go, Scooter."

[]

Me: "Hey man, wanna go to Dublin to be an actor?"
Friend: "........................................................what? Seriously, what? I don't even....."

"I'm fuckin' deformed!"
"Fuck you, I'm dyin'!"

Mah dad:"What's wigga mean?"
Mah bro:"Oh er um..."
Me(reading):"White nigga, dad."
Mad dad:"HEY!"
Me:"That's why I don't use it!"
Dad:"But you sing that gangsta song."
Me:"That's MUSIC. ARTISTIC EXPRESSION"

Pinky:"Look at my Cher collection Brain! I have more than 300 CDs, t-shirts and photos! NARF!"
Brain:"Pinky, do you know the meaning of OBSESSION? Now we haven't time for this, we need to work on taking over the world!"
Pinky:"Oh Brain, I love it when you're all ironic!"

Just stopped Lucky Star for this:

Kagami: "Kona-chan, do you have any talent apart from making silly faces?"
Konata:"... I can name every Pokémon!"

"I am a cleaning NINJA. I'll make that dirt my BITCH".

-Questionable Content, no. 865

Capital! Just Capital!

The Grey Fox

Ellis from Left 4 Dead 2

"I ever tell you about the time Keith made sushi? Yeah, his mom took him to a sushi place for his birthday and he didn't want to go, and it turned out he LOVED it, man. But it's like 10 bucks a su-sho in one of them places, so Keith figures hey, how hard can it be to roll up some raw food in seaweed, right? As it turns out, it's hard. Now, they say that experience is the best teacher, and experience taught Keith that if you ever eat three pounds of raw chicken, it kills you. Now luckily, Keith's brain went into self-defense mode and started shutting organs down to head the chicken off at the pass, and the doctors were able to get 'em out before his heart stopped. But to this day, Keith has no sensation in his right foot, and he don't recognize his own brother Paul no more."


"One time the army bombed my buddy Keith. He went camping and didn't bother to read the signs, and I guess they were just testing bombs that day. All sorts of stuff too, not just regular bombs. Like biological nerve gas bombs, shrapnel bombs, these bombs that break up in the air into like a hundred smaller bombs--"


"Jimmy Gibbs Jr. is the man. I mean I don't know anybody like that, man. But there was this guy I knew, he raced dirt tracks, not stock cars but open wheeled cars you know, and he was racing once and a goat..." (Survivors interrupt) "Okay, but there was a goat."

"If the laws of nature allowed it, I would bear that man's children!"

O there is a million of them,

Source

"If you boys see my penis just try to catch it with some cheese!"

Garrison

"When a passenger of the foot hove in sight tootle the horn trumpet to him melodiously at first. If he still obstacles your passage tootle with vigor and express by word of mouth the warning, `Hi! Hi!' " - Hilariously translated Japanese road rule. (Thank you, Cracked)

I dare you to recite this to anyone and not burst out laughing a few seconds after the first tootle.

Ms. Garrison: All right, kids, it is now my job to teach you the theory of evolution.
Butters: Oh boy!
Ms. Garrison: Now I, for one, think evolution is a bunch of *bullcrap*! But I've been told I have to teach it to you anyway. It was thought up by Charles Darwin and it goes something like this...
[she goes up to a large poster of evolution and begins pointing things out with her pointer]
Ms. Garrison: In the beginning, we were all fish. Okay? Swimming around in the water. And then one day a couple of fish had a retard baby, and the retard baby was different, so it got to live. So Retard Fish goes on to make more retard babies, and then one day, a retard baby fish crawled out of the ocean with its...
[she waves her left hand limply]
Ms. Garrison: ...mutant fish hands... and it had butt sex with a squirrel or something and made this.
[she points to a prehistoric mammal rodent]
Ms. Garrison: Retard frog-sqirrel, and then *that* had a retard baby which was a... monkey-fish-frog... And then this monkey-fish-frog had butt sex with that monkey, and that monkey had a mutant retard baby that screwed another monkey... and that made you!
[she faces the class, with the new girl among them looking around]
Ms. Garrison: So there you go! You're the retarded offspring of five monkeys having butt sex with a fish-squirrel! Congratulations!
Cartman: [impatient for a Nintendo Wii, hops out of his chair and leaves the room, shouting] Haahhh! I can't take it anymore! Haaaaah!
Ms. Garrison: [thinking Cartman understands evolution] Yeah? You see? I *knew* that would happen.

From Southpark

"P.S. please if you get a chanse put some flowrs on Algernons grave in the bak yard."
Flowers for Algernon.

Samiam wrote:O there is a million of them,

Source

Damnit! Now I can't stop reading the damn things.

Medieval medicine. If you can't set it on fire, it isn't worth curing.


Source

Lisa and her similar British friend in a Simspons episode

"We need a name for our imaginary kingdom. I mean, queendom."

"How about, Equalia!"

"Where everyone is equal, but we're in charge. I mean, someone has to be, right?"

Me: Indeed, Joseph Stalin thought so to.

Gil Grissom: I just got a page from James Watson.
Nick Stokes: And I got one from Francis Crick. What's going on, Greg?
Greg Sanders: Well, as you both know, Watson and Crick are the granddaddies of DNA. Without their discoveries, I'd have nothing to do all day.
Nick Stokes: What have you been doing all day?

[after telling Grissom something that Grissom already knows]
Greg Sanders: I guess I should stop trying to impress you.
Gil Grissom: That would impress me.

Nick Stokes: Hey, Greg
Greg Sanders: [looking through the microscope] Shh! I might be looking at the mother of my children here.
Nick Stokes: Somebody's been putting in way too much overtime.
Greg Sanders: No, man, this is serious. I had a date last night and this girl has the most impossible green eyes. Just... BAM! Shoulder-length blonde hair, intelligent, and she smells so good.
Nick Stokes: Cute toes?
Greg Sanders: Oh, ideal!
Nick Stokes: Mmm.
Greg Sanders: And none are longer than the big toe.
Nick Stokes: Mmm.
Greg Sanders: Both feet. But, you know, what I need to know is what's on the inside?
Nick Stokes: Oh, what's in her heart?
Greg Sanders: No... her DNA. And let me tell you, this girl has got some fine epithelials.
Nick Stokes: [laughing] Dude, you're sick. Man, you've officially lost it!
Greg Sanders: No, no. There is this guy in Louisville. He charges 300 clams to test your spouse's underwear for foreign DNA. Now, that guy is sick. I'm just a romantic.
Nick Stokes: But whatever happened to getting to know someone over coffee, letting the relationship evolve? Romantic is sending flowers, not bogarting her skin cells.
Greg Sanders: Ahh, that's boring.


I love CSI