Bad Jokes!

Q: What's soft and green and purple?
A: Grass, I lied about the purple.

This one is pretty terrible, also kinda offensive
For context, I heard it from a buddy who was born in Northern Ireland

How do you stop a Protestant from going out?

Spoiler:

Are we doing offensive jokes now? If so, here's one. If not, sorry, but I'm still posting this.

What do you do if you see a black man in your back yard, screaming in pain as he clutches a bullet wound on his arm?

Spoiler:

How do you stop a kid from hopping in circles?

The answer lies within:

A black man, an asian, an indian, and a jew all fall off of a cliff at the same time. Which one of them will die first?

Spoiler:

What do you tell a crying emo clutching a razor blade?

Spoiler:

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Spoiler:

Q: Knock knock
A:

Spoiler:

How are a truck full of hay and a truck full of dead babies similar?

Anseur:

Can we not tell dead baby jokes, please? I didn't use to have a problem with them, but now they cut a little too deep.

How did my thread turn into the thread that is both morbidly horrifying and depressing?

Because bad jokes are both morbidly horrifying and depressing :S

Much like abortions.

You know why the insult communist pig is never used?
BECAUSE COMMUNISTS CAN'T AFFORD PIGS.
BAM.

Everyone in Soviet Russia had a potato. To share.

What's the difference of between a lower-class communist and an American poor man? The latter has a choice of where he sleeps.

A man walks into a bar



He walks up to the bartender and says "tell me a joke"




The salty bartender looks him up and down and says "knock knock"









The man says "knock knock"






The bartender laughs

Who does Polyphemus hate more than Odysseus? Nobody.

How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. The light bulb carries the seeds of its own revolution.

Cube of Reason wrote:Who does Polyphemus hate more than Odysseus? Nobody.

uh, wrong thread
that is a fantastic joke

The only reason I get that joke is because of Justice League.

And yeah, it is fantastic.

You'd feel cocky too if you were full of myself.

What do you get if you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

The wife of a wealthy man was growing angrier and angrier every day. Almost every night, robbers somehow managed to sneak past their security measures and run off with something. So, one morning, she wakes up her husband and tells him that he will not get any food or sleep until she sees a big, scary guard dog in her house. So, reluctantly, the man got up and went to the most expensive pet store he could find.

The seller was more than ready to show him all of his different guard dogs: pitbulls, rottweilers, all that sort. But the man didn't want something ordinary, he wanted something truly feirce. The seller, seeing that this customer was a picky type, went to the backroom and pulled out a large, heavy, metal cage. The man was slowly getting interested, until he saw that all the cage contained was a scrawny little chihuahua.

"Are you pulling my leg? This thing couldn't defend my shoes, much less my house!" The man said, furious.

"Oh, no, sir. Trust me, this is our most dangerous pet here! His name is 'Karate', and, like his name says, he knows karate. As well as kung fu, taekwando, all of that." The seller said, pulling out a small table. "All you have to do is say his name, followed by what you want attacked."

As a demonstration, the seller shouts "Karate, that small table!" and, to the man's greatest surprise, the little dog got up on his hind legs and whacked the table in its center, breaking it in a perfect two. Obviously, the rich man gladly paid the chihuahua's expensive price, and went home.

Now, you can understand how furious his wife was when he came home with a chihuahua when she expected something dangerous and deadly. The man quickly tried to explain himself.

"No, honey, just look! This dog can do karate!"

The wife scoffs and looks down at the little dog. She then yells

"Karate, MY ASS!"

I've heard a variation of that joke before. I'll just say it doesn't involve a dog.

IS IT THE ONE THAT INVOLVES A DILDO

Voodoo dick, yeah.

I'm not sure how I feel about jokes with long lead-ups like that. They really gotta deliver for it to be worth the setup.
Brevity is the soul of wittttt