Favourite Quotes

"People are stupid; given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything" - Line from Wizard's First Rule, first book in the Sword of Truth series.

"I have opened the mayor. When the power drops, go in and go in and go in like the U.S. marshal and his three daughters and we lose the vaccine? Go! Take PILLS against my orders."
-Pidgin Manderley from the Malkavian Mod

"Right in the middle of conversation. Mid-sentence. Just smile nice and big, reach under the lip, and flip that table up in the air. Then sit back down and coolly state, "I'm sorry -- you were saying something?"

Works.

Every.

Time.

For everything."

"Don't leave! You'll miss my Coming Out party!"

-Mighty Morphin Power Rangers

So there are crazy Christian conspiracy theorists who believe that gays control the weather and caused Hurrican Sandy.
One gay Cracked user had this to say in response.

"If gay people had the power to control the weather, we wouldn't use it to destroy our stuff (Fire Island, SoHo): we'd use it to make it so hot around Chris Evans and Hugh Jackman, they've never wear shirts again."

Mmm. Sweaty Hugh Jackman.

"Kennedy was less Casanova and more somewhat charming sex addict. To Kennedy, sex was like a sport, or like a Pokemon ... party? Like Pokemonning, like the act of when a person Pokemons, I'm trying to say that Kennedy just wanted to "catch all the sex." "

These are from a D&D campaign I've been playing. Strictly speaking it's not D&D, it uses 3.5 as a base, but it has a completely different setting and contains a lot of homebrew rules.

Player 1(ooc) "How do you regain sanity?"
DM: "Sex, drugs and Rock 'n Roll."
Player 2(ooc) "Or in your case, drugs and rock 'n' roll"

Geiger (My character): "What was all that weird goop we were stuck in? Is it the liquid form of the souls of innocent babies?"
Tommy(an NPC): "uhh... close..."
Steve(one of the other Pc's): "I ate some!"

Steve: "You son of a bitch!"
Tommy: "What did you say to me?!"
Steve: "Err, my friends name is Mitch!"
(Our characters are all amnesiacs, and we're very early in.)

"Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? Goddamn lions, that's who."

Only time I've genuinely flustered my dad, I think. Happened at the dinner table last night.
Me: "I guess it's time I admit these shorts don't fit me any more."
Sister: "No, they fit your hips fine, they just don't fit your crotch."
Me: "...My crotch?"
Sister: "Yeah, your crotch isn't big enough for those shorts."
Me: "I don't understand. What do you mean by that?"
Sister: "They hit your hips and butt right, but they're not tight enough on the front. Your crotch."
Me: "Ooooh. So, my crotch isn't big enough?"
Sister: "Yeah."
Me: "Can we stop talking about my pubic mound please?"
My dad left the table and wouldn't say a word for five minutes, and my sister couldn't stop laughing.
Eventually I complained that my father's been walking about the house naked for years and years but I'm not allowed to be frank about my body.

TL;DR CROTCH JOKES

*leaves the table without saying a word* []

Your father walks around naked?

Yeah, I must admit that threw me off.

Top Hat Cube wrote:Your father walks around naked?

I do that sometimes

Turret wrote:

Top Hat Cube wrote:Your father walks around naked?

I do that sometimes

Hopefully when your parents are gone

Not always

He sleeps in the nude and doesn't really have any pajamas. And he's 400+ pounds, so it's pretty logical for him to go around naked. Sometimes he wraps up in a bedsheet in the mornings.

I must admit that your father is a boss.

Oh yeah, he's the best. Massively strong, crazy intelligent, don't give a fuck.

I don't even walk around naked when I can get away with it. I am ugly when I'm naked.

I am horribly hairy.

No, seriously. I could probably make a small wig with all the hairs on my chest and legs

I'm gorgeous when I'm naked
Everything is correctly proportioned



A vote for Semicolon is a vote against Taco
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And that's terrible.

NONE OF THESE ABOVE POSTS REQUIRE PICTURES
PLEASE

I'm never naked. I shower in blue cutoffs. I'm a nevernude. It's a real thing. Just ask Tobias Funke, analrapist.

QUOTES:
"What a strange creature is man, that he would choose to cage himself so willingly."
Athena Areios musing about humanity's need to live in cities (Appleseed: 2004).

And some more from D&D:
Player 1(ooc):"You have a fireproof piece of paper with bible verses on it, I have a horn that predates me becoming Satan, what do YOU have in your pockets?"

Steve: "I didn't do anything wrong!"
Tommy(NPC):"Uh... yeah you did. You kind of performed a satanic ritual that bound your blood with hellfire."
Steve:"It.... it was an accident."

"Broccoli is like sex. If you're forced to have it as a child, then you won't enjoy it as an adult."