Ellis from Left 4 Dead 2
"I ever tell you about the time Keith made sushi? Yeah, his mom took him to a sushi place for his birthday and he didn't want to go, and it turned out he LOVED it, man. But it's like 10 bucks a su-sho in one of them places, so Keith figures hey, how hard can it be to roll up some raw food in seaweed, right? As it turns out, it's hard. Now, they say that experience is the best teacher, and experience taught Keith that if you ever eat three pounds of raw chicken, it kills you. Now luckily, Keith's brain went into self-defense mode and started shutting organs down to head the chicken off at the pass, and the doctors were able to get 'em out before his heart stopped. But to this day, Keith has no sensation in his right foot, and he don't recognize his own brother Paul no more."
"One time the army bombed my buddy Keith. He went camping and didn't bother to read the signs, and I guess they were just testing bombs that day. All sorts of stuff too, not just regular bombs. Like biological nerve gas bombs, shrapnel bombs, these bombs that break up in the air into like a hundred smaller bombs--"
"Jimmy Gibbs Jr. is the man. I mean I don't know anybody like that, man. But there was this guy I knew, he raced dirt tracks, not stock cars but open wheeled cars you know, and he was racing once and a goat..." (Survivors interrupt) "Okay, but there was a goat."