She came into my office like a thunderstorm, knocking things off my shelves and making wind noises with her mouth. I knew immediately that she was like a thunderstorm in another way: dangerous if I got too close. Also, like a thunderstorm, she was beautiful.
After she had thrown all my papers to the floor, she acknowledged me. “I see I’ve got your attention,” she said. “I’ve got a case for you. A case the likes of which you’ve never seen.”
”That’s pretty likely,” I admitted. “It’s my first day of being a detective.”
Why did I say that? I thought. I shouldn’t have told her that. Remember to be careful of what you say out loud.
”I am not a very good detective,” I said out loud.
TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!
She came into my office like a ghost: through the wall, shrieking. “REVENGE! REVENGE!” she shrieked.
“Hello,” I said, in hopes she would stop shrieking.
“I have a case for you,” she shrieked.
I nodded. “Is it about revenge?”
“Wow,” she shrieked, “you are a good detective.”
TO BE CONTINUED!
Years and years ago, I wrote out some opening lines for other people to use to get them started on their novels. Here they are again. Feel free to use them.
*********
As I would later learn, the old man at the bus stop was not communicating through American Sign Language, but rather was placing upon me an elaborate and horrible curse.
*********
“Amazing,” I said to myself, looking at my new surroundings, “somehow I’ve entered the movie and am now living in the world of Weekend at Bernie’s.”
*********
The only Pokemon I had yet to capture were Articuno, Snorlax, Magmar, Laserhorse, Mr. Mime, Kabutops, Missileduck, Fartpanther, and, of course, Mewtwo. I lit another cigar as I thought to myself, This is going to be a long summer.
*********
“The light bulb was just the first step in my plan for global conquest,” Ben Franklin’s ghost told me as he hovered over a plate of cheese sandwiches, “and I need your help to finish it.”
*********
Everything could have been avoided if I had heard “Be careful what you wish for” before wishing on a shooting star that I was made of poop.
*********
“Stop, Goku,” said Harry Potter, “or else you’ll fall into that Death Star filled with Kryptonite.”
*********
”WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA,” said Pac-Man as he journeyed ever deeper into the Labyrinth of Ghosts. “WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA.”
-from Pac-Man: The Novelization
*********
As the large pink poodle licked my hand, I smiled, but inwardly I said to myself, not another big pink poodle!
*********
As I drove through the Farmer’s Market, I noticed that old ladies and butternut squash both make the same noise as they bounce off the hood of my car, and from this fact I ascertained one of the deeper secrets of reality.
*********
My name is Rockstar Frankenstein, and I am a hardcore police detective with an attitude and a gruff exterior that hides my heart of gold.
