'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Tree
Not a creature was stirring, not ninja or bee;
The stockings were hung to hold treats for their tummy,
In hopes that come morning, they would get Christmas Honey
The Mods were nestled all snug in their beds,
While the karma trolls drew negatives upon the Mods heads;
And Driscoll on his throne, and us in his forum,
Counting his money and drinking his aurum,
When in the threads, there arose such a clatter,
I came out of lurking, to see what was the matter.
Over to the roleplay thread, I flew with great might,
To see a King Futon, oh what a sight!
The moons on the breast of his futony cloth,
"You cannot kill me!" He said with a scoff!
When, my dusty new eyes should be so lucky,
Came to the rescue, biffrog, hobo and ducky!
The ninja leader stood large and proud,
"We shall dine in Hell!" He said aloud,
The fellowship stands strong against the great foe,
And they whistle, and shout, all the references they know;
"Now, all your base, now, Candle and Jack!
(You can't say his full name, you'll never come back!)
Yo Futon, I’m really happy for you…and I’ll let you finish.
But with our powers combined, you will be diminished!
And the Futon was amazed with the pop culture they know,
And he was defeated, fell flat in the snow,
With a shout of HURRAY they went back to sleep,
Cause they knew the great Driscoll had a deadline to keep,
Would he update the comic with them still awake?
(That wasn't a chance they were willing to take!)
But as I was turning around, another sound caught my ear,
Happy like Dewman, although not as queer,
He was dressed in a Snuggie, from his head down his rack,
He had a huge sack, and a sack on his back;
He stood in the shadows, he looked almost like death,
But I realized quickly it was just Doggybreath!
His eyes -- how they twinkled! They were so big and wide!
"Come touch my sack, and see what's inside!"
His mouth was drawn up like a midevil crossbow,
Did those even exist? I bet the hobo would know;
With an old wise face and two floppy ears,
He looked old enough to be over 9000 years.
He was fat and comical, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
WAIT- WHAT 9000?! I crushed a random scanner,
"I look good for my age," He said with high manner;
He spoke not a word, but I watched from my hive,
He filled all the stockings; then from a plan he contrived,
A small taco fell down; the chimney and danced,
And giving a nod, I blasted 'Bad Romance';
He called everyone awake, to join in this good party,
HO HO HO! He said loud and hardy!
"That's not a laugh, it's a mating call, get it right!"
Then as an afterthought said,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."
