Posts : 5871 Join date : 2010-06-16 Age : 30 Location : Trying to stop AwesomeMedic from blowing up the Parlement (again)
Character sheet Alignment: Neutral Good Race: Human
Lyrics:
You're walking in the woods There's no one around and your phone is dead Out of the corner of your eye you spot him: Shia LaBeouf. He's following you, about 30 feet back He gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint He's gaining on you Shia LaBeouf You're looking for you car but you're all turned around He's almost upon you now and you can see there's blood on his face My God, there's blood everywhere!
Running for you life (from Shia LaBeouf) He's brandishing a knife (It's Shia LaBeouf) Lurking in the shadows Hollywood superstar Shia LaBeouf
Living in the woods (Shia LaBeouf) Killing for sport (Shia LaBeouf) Eating all the bodies Actual cannibal Shia LaBeouf
Now it's dark and you seem to have lost him but you're hopelessly lost yourself Stranded with a murderer you creep silently through the underbrush Aha! In the distance A small cottage with a light on Hope! You move stealthily toward it but your leg! Ah! It's caught in a bear trap!
Gnawing off your leg (Quiet, quiet) Limping to the cottage (Quiet, quiet) Now you're on the doorstep Sitting inside: Shia LaBeouf Sharpening an axe (Shia LaBeouf) But he doesn't hear you enter (Shia LaBeouf) You're sneaking up behind him Strangling superstar Shia LaBeouf Fighting for your life with Shia LaBeouf Wrestling a knife from Shia LaBeouf Stab him in his kidney Safe at last from Shia LaBeouf
You limp into the dark woods blood oozing from your stump leg You have beaten Shia LaBeouf
Wait! He isn't dead (Shia surprise) There's a gun to your head and death in his eyes But you can do Jis Jitsu Body slam superstar Shia LaBeouf Ledendary fight with Shia LaBeouf Normal Tuesday night for Shia LaBeouf You try to swing an axe at Shia Labeouf But blood is draining fast from your stump leg He's dodging every swipe, he parries to the left You counter to the right, you catch him in the neck You're chopping his head now You have just decapitated Shia Labeouf
His head topples to the floor, expressionless You fall to your knees and catch your breath You're finally safe from Shia Labeouf ...
Posts : 4356 Join date : 2010-06-09 Age : 29 Location : Illinoix
Character sheet Alignment: Neutral Good Race: Human
What happened to you, Shia LaBeouf? Holes and Disturbia and Eagle Eye and the first Transformers movie were all the dopest shit. And then things changed, man. You changed. They changed you. It's the beard, isn't it? That crazy arthouse beard of yours. You don't have to lie to me. I know. I understand. Listen, man. Listen to me. You thought it would make you look better. More sophisticated. You thought it was your idea to grow it. You were wrong. It whispered to you, Shia LaBeouf. Long before you ever grew it. It whispered such amazing promises to you. But it lied. Not overt lies, but lies of omission. It told you you could be the son of Indiana Jones. It never told you about the rest of the movie. It told you of the financial success that the other two Transformers movie would bring. It never told you of the ridicule the movies would garner. It told you what an amazing idea Howard Cantour.com was. It never told you that so many details were lifted directly from Justin M. Damiano. All these whispers, all this information withheld from you, Shia LaBeouf. All this fed it. Strengthened it. But it is not too late. Cut it, Shia LaBeouf. Leave no hair on your face. Bring its madness to an end. Bring the life back to your hollowed-out, dead eyes. Free yourself, Shia LaBeouf. There is still hope.
In all seriousness though, Shia LaBeouf, however douchey his behavior has been in the last few years, seems to be having a really rough time right now. I hope he recovers and is alright.
Now that I have finished digressing, please enjoy some Kendrick Lamar.